What it’s so hard to portray in written or spoken words is the non-ending continuous anxiety OCD fills your days with.
So few mornings go by without the first thought entering your mind being related to a previous incident or a new irrational anxiety.
This usually then carries on constantly for the rest of the day. Day in, day out.
When I try to write or speak about my OCD anxieties, I find this so hard to explain.
When written down the anxieties appear as a list, as if you go from one to another with gaps of nothing in between.
In reality what it feels like is that these memorable ‘incidents’ are the edited high(low)lights of the day, as if you are watching Match Of The Day and seeing a 5 minute montage of clips from a 90 minute game.
The rest of the game and day happen, just at a lower intensity. These tend not to get reviewed with such scrutiny as the major occurrences as you only have so much time, but they are as, if not more important as they are the nitty gritty of the experience. The real problem that eats into the living experience.
If our OCD was ‘only’ 5 or 6 isolated incidents through the day then maybe it could be more easily avoided, coped with or treated, like a phobia perhaps.
Medication works for me in that it tempers this everyday all day buzz down to a more manageable level so that the methods and techniques learnt in CBT sessions can effectively work to attack the more major moments that arise.
OCD is an overwhelming illness; its constant barrage grinds the sufferer down. It can be fought and ultimately defeated but there’s no short cut cure and I have found getting yourself into a position where you feel able and ready to fight as half the battle.
If you are in that spot now, overwhelmed and unable to fight, REACH OUT.
There are people willing to help and there are ways to move forward. It’s not your fault you feel you can’t do it alone, we all felt like that. It’s one of this spiteful condition’s dirty tricks.
FIGHT OCD, no one likes a cheat!